I almost died laughing. What he said was so funny that my eyes started watering. He’s such a regular comedian.

” When I was little, I used to play with my grandmother’s dogs. She had so many of them. But I had no idea until I got much older, that every year, she would cook one of those dogs. She served me one of my friends each year. I ate my friend.”

His statement ‘ I ate my friend’ was so funny that I laughed for a good five minutes. And the way he said it was so funny, I was convulsing with laughter on my seat. He was probably wondering why I was laughing so much. He probably thought I was a nutcase. But I just couldn’t help but laugh.

He told me another funny story. 
” When I got drunk, I ate one of your ’special eggs.’ The one with a little chicken inside? A little chick.”

” Oh you mean ‘ balut’?”

” Yes. I bought one from the vendor outside the club. I didn’t know that that egg has fluid inside. I thought it was a regular egg. I crushed one of those eggs in my head and when it broke, water seeped out. My head got wet. I had to get rid of it and ordered another one.”

” You ate all of it?”

” Yes. I ate all of it including the chick.”

I laughed at what he said. His expression was funny. But it got me wondering whether he would have eaten our native food if he wasn’t drunk or unaware of what it really was.

” I also got to eat one of your blood stews.” He really does surprise me. Not many foreigners try out the local dishes.

” Really? You’ve tried it? How did you find it?”

” I found it very delicious but that was before I knew what it was. I didn’t know that it was made of blood.”

 During one of our conversations, we ended up talking about relationships. He told me that his previous teacher, who also happens to be my friend, has had a very unpleasant experience with her ex-boyfriend. They had broken up because the boyfriend was very jealous and possessive. My friend couldn’t take it anymore. But that hasn’t stopped the ex- boyfriend from bothering her.

” She received threats from him. But I don’t know why he continues to bother her, when she’s no longer his girlfriend.”

” Oh, he be a crazy boyfriend,” I explained. I twirled my index finger as if to form a circle and held it close to my right ear. ” You see, in this country, it’s very hard to find good men. There are lots of crazy boyfriends here. The men here either cheat with their girlfriends or wives; or they let the woman do all the work, while they do nothing.”

He looked at me with disbelief in his eyes.

” Oh, it’s not that bad. I mean, all the good men here, they marry early. They’re taken early. That’s why it’s common to find local girls here going out with foreigners usually Americans.”

” Do you plan to marry an Americano?” he asked. He was genuinely curious, I hate to ask why.

” No. No. No. The American men, well, they’re very liberated. I don’t really like that. Do you know what liberated means?”

He didn’t answer but he had a blank look on his face that I had to explain to him what the word meant.

” Anyway, I’m not getting married. I don’t plan on getting married. “

” Yes. Love is very complicated,” he said.

There was an awkward pause. A few seconds later, the question I’ve been dreading finally was asked.

” Do you have a boyfriend?”

” Yes. No. I mean, yes, but we broke up. He was also a crazy boyfriend. He was very jealous and possessive. Do you know what possessive means?”
” It means this.” He opened his right arm and pretended he was holding an imaginary girlfriend. And he tried to squeeze that imaginary girlfriend very tight.

” Yes. That’s it.”

” So your boyfriend hurt you?”

I don’t remember what I told him. I probably replied with a ‘Yes, my boyfriend hurt me.’ But it was such a personal question. And I’m beginning to wonder if I wear my heart on my sleeve. Is it so obvious that I’m heart-broken? I have this fear that I’m so transparent that everyone can see how hurt I’ve been.

There was tension in the air. I had almost crossed that line between professional conduct and non-professional conduct. I think I may already have crossed that line. Next time, I’m going to be more prudent. I have to remind myself that I’m only there to give English lessons.

But it’s so hard not to compare him with my EX. My student is kind and gentle. My EX-boyfriend wasn’t really what you would call a nice and decent guy. My EX loved me but he had MAJOR issues. I was with my EX for almost a whole decade ( which felt like a whole lifetime ) but there were things about him that I didn’t know. For example, I don’t know all the mad things that my boyfriend did before he met me. I also have a feeling that my EX had been hiding his true nature from me.

There was and continues to be a dark-side to my EX. He never really allowed me to get to know that part of him. But that dark-side would come out when he would let his guard down. Part of his dark-side is his drug abuse. Even if he tried to hide it from me, I’d always know that he was lying about his drug use. Whenever I asked him about his ‘relapse’ he’d brush off my concerns. He will always try to convince me that ‘relapses’ are normal.

I don’t know what’s scary: The fact that he uses drugs or the fact that he thinks that using drugs is normal.

But in fairness to my EX, he did try to get rid of his habit. But I just don’t want to be part of his ‘recovery’ anymore. That was another lifetime. I’ve grown so much.

I can say that it probably took me one year to really get to like my EX. And it took me two years to fall in love with him. I felt that I was forced to like him. I went out with him out of pity. Pity soon turned into love. With my student, it’s different. I’ve only known him for five days and already, I’m beginning to like him. Maybe it is dangerous. Feelings of attachment are always dangerous.

 I’ll try to be more professional next time. I’ll try to keep it simple. And I really do mean what I said to my student. I don’t plan on getting married. I don’t plan on being in a relationship. I was hurt because I was weak. I no longer trust my feelings.  I can’t trust myself.

Maybe when things become uncomfortable, I’ll run away. I’ll run away, while I still can.

Information on balut: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Balut

Here’s a nice blog entry about balut http://deependdining.blogspot.com/2005/09/balut-egg-of-darkness-pinoy-pinay.html