I finally understand what the Buddhists say about living in the present. They believe that when you free your mind from all distractions and just focus on the here and now, that’s how you find happiness. I believe in that because right now, at this present moment, I am happy and content with what I have.

I made lasting friends with my new workmates. We’re such a close group. I’d like to think that I have a lot to do with that. I’d like to believe that my philosophy has started to affect them.

Ever since I applied for an immigrant visa abroad, I’ve been thinking about how everything is going to change. I’ve been thinking about the family and friends that I’m going to be leaving behind.  I’ve been thinking about the impermanence of life. I’ve started thinking about how nothing in life is permanent. Everything changes. At some point in our life, we get to leave behind the people, things and places that we love.
I started changing my philsophy. My philosophy now is to enjoy what I have right now because anytime, I could leave for abroad and start my new life there. I always thought that I’d start my new life elsewhere. I never really knew that I’m starting my new life right now, just by doing things that are beyond my comfort zone.

When I signed up for work, I always knew at the back of my head, that my work is going to be temporary. I may never even get to finish my contract. That’s why I’ve done things that I never normally would have done like going out after work or enjoying the company of my new friends.

I’ve changed so much because of my new philosophy. I hug people now. I guess I’ve always been sweet and affectionate on the inside, but I just couldn’t express that. Not until now. I feel that I have nothing to lose, so that’s why I’ve allowed myself to become this new person.  I’d like to think that that has a positive effect on people. I have noticed though that when I hug my new friends, they have started hugging me back. And they in turn have started hugging other people.

For the past two days, I’ve been giggling and laughing like a school girl. And my friends when they see me, they laugh and giggle as well. I seem to have started something. And it all started with one idea– enjoy life right now.

Of course, thinking about how nothing in this world is ever permanent can also be a cause of so much pain. I know that I will leave my friends someday and that makes me sad. But as long as I don’t think about the past and the future. As long as I think about what I have right now, then I’ll be happy. Yes, friends come and go but the lasting effects of the friendships I’ve created will stay with me for a very long time.
 

I had a nasty case of laughing attack. It probably was the result of mixing alcohol with my medication. The thing is, my laughing attack lasted for several hours. At work, I was just giggling and giggling. I couldn’t help but smile and laugh. It was so strange. People thought that there was something wrong with me.  There probably was.

 The attack finally ended after work. And I started to calm down again. But I still enjoyed our after work activity. We ate dinner then, we parked at a closed gasoline station. Our workmate turned his car stereo on and he started dancing. The other two guys, my crush included, started dancing as well. It was really hilarious.

It probably doesn’t mean anything but my crush gave me his number. And he asked to go to a movie with me and my friend. I have to get my beauty rest now. I have a big date tomorrow.

It’s funny how love songs start to become relevant when you find yourself falling in love. I’ve never liked love songs but when the radio was on, I started listening to the love songs. And for some strange reason the songs started to talk to me. There were songs with lyrics that goes something like this:

                             I only want to spend more time with you. 

Then there’s another song that goes:
                             Something’s telling me it might be you.
   

I’ve never been the mushy type but for the first time in my life, the overplayed love songs on the radio suddenly make sense. I must have hit my head harder than I thought.
 

I never could really understand why people drink alcohol. I was one of those serious-minded people who never understood people who just wanted to have fun. I don’t know the concept of fun. I’m an anti-fun person. I’d rather stay in bed and read books or I’d rather stay at the computer all day and write. But this year has been a revelation for me. Ever since I started working, I’ve been hanging out at bars and I’ve been drinking.

I haven’t become a heavy drinker mind you. I just consume two glasses of beer at the most. This is the second time that I came home laughing and smirking. Being tipsy is real fun. It’s strange though. When I drive, I drive like a pro. But when I walk, I walk like an imbecile. I just don’t get that part yet. My passengers were scared because I was walking in criss-cross but when I got to the driver’s seat, I was driving like I knew I was doing which I really did. I’m a safe driver when I’m tipsy, I think even more so than when I’m not tipsy.

I spent two hours with Richard. He sat beside me for a good one hour or at least, what I felt was a good one hour. I got a good look at his arm. We even touched fingers. We sat across each other eating a bowl of noodle soup. But after he consumed his noodles, he sat beside me. He borrowed my phone and fiddled with it.

Richard viewed all my pictures. I already drank one glass of beer so I probably lost some of my inhibitions. However, I was a bit embarrassed that Richard saw all the pictures of my crushes. He saw pictures of Matthew Fox, James Tupper, Aidian Quinn and Wentworth Miller. He asked a lot of questions. He even noticed my shirt. I don’t know if that’s a definitive sign that he likes me. I like him and that’s all that matters for now. Of course, it would be nice that my feelings were reciprocated but I’m not even hoping on that anymore.

I just hope that Richard steps it up some more. I feel more comfortable with him. The more time I spend with him, the more comfortable I become. I really like this guy. And I don’t know right now, just thinking about him, makes my fingers all warm and fuzzy. He makes me all warm and fuzzy. That could be a good thing.

He’s a really good guy. And I wish that something will happen between us. The spark that was there ever since the day we met. I’m not going to hold my breath though. I’ve been hurt so many times before. I’m just content with the fact that he was sitting beside me and I could feel him near me. That was enough for me.
 

OVerall, it was a pretty unininteresting day. What made it special was the fact that Richard accompanied me to the bathroom. That was pretty much it. I don’t know for sure if it’s a sign that he’s into me. But he did come back for me. When I left the group to go to the bathroom, he accompanied me. We talked for a couple of minutes on our way to the bathroom. I didn’t want the moment to end.

I’ve stopped hoping that he’s going to court me. I wish he would but I’m not going to hold my breath. I mean, who knows what could happen? All I know is that I like him. I’m not too sure if he likes me. I want to be near him. I want to talk to him. I want to be close to him.

Richard looks a bit strange because he shaved off his stubble. He looks much better with his stubble on. His stubble frames his face and sort of doesn’t take the attention away from his eyes. His eyes are his best asset. They change color depending on the light. It can change from brown to green depending on his mood. It looks much better when there’s minimal lighting. He has such wonderful eyes.

I’m not just physically attracted to him. I’m drawn to his personality as well. He seems like such a simple guy. I mean, this guy hasn’t been on an airplane in his entire life. You have got to love a guy like that. He has humble roots and I like that.

I don’t want to compare Richard to my EX. They shouldn’t even be mentioned in a single sentence. Richard is much better man than my EX. My EX is the most horrible man on the planet although he keeps insisting that he was the perfect boyfriend. Yeah, right.

I almost had the opportunity to be alone on an elevator with Richard but I didn’t grab that opportunity because I promised my friend Izzie, that I’d stay with her. I wonder what would have happened if we spent several minutes on an elevator just the two of us. That would have been interesting.

I really wanted to ride the elevator with him but I just couldn’t. I still have my principles. I promised Izzie that I’d wait for her. So, I did. That’s my weakness, I guess. I have principles and sometimes, I just cannot not follow them. Call me crazy but I value friendship a lot. It doesn’t really matter. Hopefully, there will be a next time.

I never really expected Richard to make such a bold move today. I call it a bold move because he has never really found a way, until now, for us to be alone together. I hope this continues. I really do.  Without the bathroom incident, this day would have been pretty boring. But it’s just funny how stuff happens when you least expect it. I regret not wearing my sexy woolen shirt. I opted not to wear it because I couldn’t find my khaki pants. Instead, I wore this dowdy blouse with my loose slacks. Since my pantyline was visible, I opted to wear a really big brown sweater which my father gave me. It looks pretty unflattering.

 So for the whole night, I felt like the ugliest girl on the planet. Just when I felt so unsexy and so unattractive, Richard comes in and starts to talk to me. I hope he’ll continue to be more bold tomorrow.
 

I finally got the chance to talk to my crush in a friendly way. The awkwardness is gone. I can look straight into his eyes now without blushing. I wish we could be good friends. I’d really want him to be my friend. Of course, it helps that Medusa wasn’t with us when we ate out.
 Medusa is one of our group members. She’s the touchy-clingy type of girl. She’s obsessed about Richard. She acts like Richard’s girlfriend even if it’s quite evident that Richard is not interested in her. She’s possessive and jealous of the attention that Richard gets from other people. She acts like his jealous wife and they’re not even an item yet.

Medusa has two boyfriends. But apparently, she’s not content about that. She wants Richard as well. She wants to have everyman she can get her hands on. I don’t exactly hate Medusa but I don’t really like her as well. She’s just too much. It was funny the first few times but now she just acts like an obsessed fanatic.

It’s really good that the group is getting along. We really had a chance to talk to each other. It really helps that Medusa wasn’t there to obsess about Richard. There are only two things that Medusa likes to do. She loves calling Richard’s name and she likes to demand for Richard to sit beside her. It’s really quite refreshing that Medusa was out of the picture, at least for once.

This particular group of people that went out today really got along with each other. We were able to talk in length about our interests. Unlike the past couple of times, when the people never really got a chance to just hang out.

I’m just happy that I really got a chance to talk with Richard. Maybe nothing is going to happen, maybe something will. I don’t really care much about that anymore. I’m not going to expect. I just am trying to enjoy the new bond and friendship that I’ve made with these people. I will forever cherish their friendship. This is the first time, in a very long time, that I really felt like I belong to a group.

Here’s a wonderful song from Taylor Hicks. Check out the song at  http://media.bmgonline.com/jrecords.com/various/audio/TheRightPlace_MID.mov

If it’s lovin’ that you want
well it’s lovin’ you’ll receive
Cause you’ve come to the right place baby.

Yeah the door is always open
if you need some company
You’ve come to the right place baby.

Heaven knows that i can’t read your mind
We can turn it around
darlin’ one step at a time
Angel, oh angel can’t you see
that i can’t live without you
so baby won’t you help me please

When there’s no one left to trust
well i think that you’ll agree
that you’ve some to the right place baby

When you’re down on your luck
well just look around you’ll see
that you’ve come to the right place baby

Sometimes you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone
Then you look around and it was right there all along

Cause angel, angel you’ve got to understand
that i don’t wanna be without you
oh won’t you help me if you can

I ain’t askin’ for the world
I just want you to believe
that you’ve some to the right place baby

When there’s no one else to hold you
Well i’ll be there yes indeed
Oh you’ve come to the right right place baby
Yeah you’ve come to the right place
Oh you’ve come to the right place baby
Yeah you’ve come to the right place.

Lyrics care of:

http://www.findlyrics.com/taylor_hicks/the_right_place