I am so incredibly lonely. Words cannot even begin to describe how lonely I am. I was singing ” God Bless The Child,” in bed and thinking about how lonely I am. And I’m starting to question why I don’t have someone special with me. I have no one to hug. I have no one to kiss. I have no one to hold. I want that more than anything. I want that so much that it’s starting to really hurt.

I just looked at my cousin’s pictures on the internet. She has a wonderful life now. She has a loving husband and a young son. Theirs is a picture of true happiness. I can see in their eyes that they’re truly happy. And I’m asking myself why I’m not happy. Don’t I deserve to be happy as well?

I’m beginning to desire a life that I can never have. I want to marry a good and loving husband. I want to have a son and a daughter. I want that life. I so want that life that I can’t have. I have no one. And I thought I’d be able to handle having no one. But I can’t stand it anymore. I can’t stand being alone. I miss being loved. I miss loving someone. I want to fall in love again. I’m ready. So what if I’ll get hurt? I don’t care. I’m already hurting. I have nothing else to lose.

I like a guy and I know he likes me. But he’s not willing to gamble. He’s not willing to get to know me better. I just know that if he gives me a chance, I will love him. I have so much love to give. And I’m ready to give love. And the greatest thing after all of this is that he’ll love me in return. That’s all I need right now. I need love. I need someone to love and someone to love me.