I watched Wedding Crasher’s again. I saw it when it first came out . I caught it again early this morning on HBO as I was channel surfing. I know it’s just a movie– a work of fiction– but there was something truthful about it.

There’s this scene between Owen Wilson and Rachael McAdams where they spend time getting to know each other on the beach. They have this connection between them and this chemistry. They have only known each other for short time but they already feel at ease with each other. There is something between them–something indescribable and intangible yet it’s there. Something that can only be felt.

When Owen Wilson’s character spends time away from Rachael, he comes to realize that he’s in love with her; and that there is no turning back. Once love takes a hold of your heart, there can be no turning back. So, he spends months trying to forget her but he still can’t get her out of his mind.

I can never explain it why I have this special connection with someone. We just click. We’ve known each other for four months now and we felt that there was something there. For months, I’ve been trying to deny how I felt. I’ve been trying to convince myself that there was nothing special there. Try as I might, I couldn’t ignore the feeling. I couldn’t ignore that there’s something there.

I know my friend but there’s so much more that I want to find out about him. I may not know his history but I know enough. I know enough to understand him. I tried to deconstruct our friendship but I could never get to the bottom of it. I always end up empty-handed. I try to analyze the situation and I try to just make sense of it but I could never make sense of it. I just feel. I just feel something. I feel something wonderful. I feel alive when I’m with him. I feel happy. I could never explain it. And I’ve stopped questioning. And I’ve stopped analyzing.

Sometimes there are things that just are. We don’t have to question it. We don’t have to analyze it. Things just happen. Wonderful things just happen.

I’ve been unhappy almost all my life. It’s about time that I allow myself to just be happy. I’ve always tried to suppress my emotions. But now, I no longer have to do that. I’m taking a bold step. I’m allowing myself to feel. It’s scary because I feel vulnerable and naked. But love is about taking a blind leap. All you can do is to hope that you’re brave and strong enough to stand back up when you’ve fallen. That’s life. That’s love.

I’ve written a lot of things over the past few months since I started blogging. It’s about time that I review some of these blog entries. Hopefully, someone will stumble into this site and read the blog entries. I would really like that. I’ll post my favorites.

Lessons Learned is one of my favorite blog entries. It’s about the lessons that I learned over the years. http://ablogaday.wordpress.com/2007/01/24/lessons-learned/

First Kiss is a tragic tale of my first kiss with my first boyfriend, and my first love. http://ablogaday.wordpress.com/2007/01/29/first-kiss/

The blog entry about my tragic past: http://ablogaday.wordpress.com/2006/10/30/the-perks-of-being-sexually-abused/

Who Will Save the Savior is about my psychotherapist and then some. http://ablogaday.wordpress.com/2006/12/17/who-will-save-the-savior/

This post has been getting a lot of buzz. It seems popular somehow. It’s about my old love and my new love. It’s titled ” Dreaming with Amos Lee.” Here’s the link http://ablogaday.wordpress.com/2006/11/12/dreaming-with-amos-lee/

The blog entry about my tragic past. Read on if you want to know more about it. http://ablogaday.wordpress.com/2006/10/30/the-perks-of-being-sexually-abused/

Take A Little Piece of My Heart is about my singer-friend http://ablogaday.wordpress.com/2006/09/10/take-a-little-piece-of-my-heart/

The blog entry http://ablogaday.wordpress.com/2006/09/09/adventures-with-the-eyelash-curler/ is about my first adventure with the eyelash curler. It’s about how I became a girly-girl.

My movie review on the movie Sabrina http://ablogaday.wordpress.com/2006/08/09/love-and-moonlight/

The book that changed my life is Danny Wallace’s ” Yes Man.” It’s funny and hilarious. It also makes you want to explore the possibilities that life has to offer. All you really need to do is to say ‘Yes.’ http://ablogaday.wordpress.com/2006/08/07/a-day-of-yes/

About my trip to the fortune teller http://ablogaday.wordpress.com/2006/08/04/88/

A Good Day is about my conversation with my friend. http://ablogaday.wordpress.com/2006/08/01/54/

The Long Embrace is about my idea of romance http://ablogaday.wordpress.com/2007/02/08/the-long-embrace/

Letter to My Ex-boyfriend is the blog entry that has been getting the most hits. It’s an actual letter I wrote to my boyfriend. I wrote it two months before I finally had the chance to give it to him. The last time I saw him, he was still the same. He nearly cried when I kissed him goodbye. I thought I didn’t feel anything for him but one month after our last meeting, I allowed myself to cry and mourn the end of our relationship. I know I can never get back. Sometimes, I’m tempted to go back. But I know that that chapter of my life has ended. There’s no turning back. I want to move on. I guess, I have started to move on. Ten years, and I’m only starting to move on. But mourning the end of a relationship means that I have finally allowed myself to move on. Here’s the post http://ablogaday.wordpress.com/2006/12/29/a-letter-to-my-ex-boyfriend/

Things Unsaid is a story about love http://ablogaday.wordpress.com/2007/01/18/things-unsaid/

Greta visited me at the hospital. We went to the hospital cafeteria to chat over late lunch. She had beef stew and orange soda for lunch. I had pineapple pie and water.

” So, how’s your love life?” Greta asked. She never expected that I’d give her such an effusive reply.

” It’s great. I feel wonderful. I feel nice. We’re friends,” I was suffuse with color.

I proceeded to explain how I felt and about what I felt. I could never put it into words. I described the feeling as ‘nice’, ‘good’, ‘wonderful’ and ‘happy.’

” If it were possible, I wish I could make you borrow my heart. I wish you could feel what I feel,” I said.

 Greta said that I was beaming and my face lit up.

 ” It’s almost your birthday. I wish you’ll find love and feel what I feel.”

” Do your wishes really come true?” Greta asked.

” Well, my predictions usually do. I wish you could feel what I feel.”

” I think I have some idea of how you feel.”

” Really? I don’t know… this is different. I’ve been in-love before but this is different. It’s not selfish. I’m not selfish. This is different. My EX before…. he always told me that he loved me but showing it was a different thing… but this time, this guy…. he’s different.”

” How different?”

” I can’t explain it. It’s the small things that matter. And they pile up. I can’t explain it. And it’s so strange…. because we’re friends. And I’m happy with that. I’m so happy with that.”

” You don’t need to put a label to what you guys are. Labels don’t matter.”

” I agree. We just get along. We just get along.”

” In what way?”

” We don’t agree on everything. In fact, we don’t agree on anything but we still agree. I can’t explain it. I just know. And we just know.”

” Maybe he’s your soulmate.”

” I don’t know about that…….” I sounded hesitant. I thought for a moment. I reflected on it. ” All I know is that prayers can be answered. I wish you could feel what I feel.”

Greta talked about her upcoming birthday celebration.

” I’m going to celebrate my birthday on top of a mountain. By the time I come down, I’ll be thirty.”

” That’s so exciting. I’m so happy for you. I’m so excited for you. I wish I could go with you.”

” It’s going to be something. I can’t imagine myself lying on the rocky ground. We’re going to set up a tent.” I can imagine Greta’s hesitation. She isn’t an outdoors kind of girl.

“ Oh, but you’re so lucky, I would love to do that. I would love to travel. I would want to do that.”

Our conversation ended on a light note. I wished her well. And I wished her love and happiness.

I would have died if she hadn’t given me hope. She told me that the things in my life, the things that are happening right now, are happening for a reason. I do feel as if history is repeating itself. There are things that I could never explain, things that don’t make sense and yet, they’re happening.

My life has come full circle. And I think I’m ready for a new chapter or a new beginning in my life. This time, I have a choice on whether to choose the path to happiness or to choose the path to unhappiness. My heart chose for me. I choose happiness. I choose life.

By all indications, I thought I was going to choose the path to unhappines. I’m so used to being unhappy. For most of my life, I lived yet I didn’t live. I was alive yet I never felt alive. I lived like an automaton. I was so serious. So sad. So unhappy. I was used to that. I was used to the numbing pain.

I realized something recently that happiness is a choice. I feel so empowered. Happiness is a choice. And I never really realized that until now.

I think I’m going to stop writing about personal things. It’s time to stop writing about the people close to me. It’s not that I’ve run out of material. I can still write about my person life but I just don’t find it necessary anymore. All I can say is that I’m a changed person. I’m a happier person. And I can’t really explain why.

There are things that happened to my life that just threw me off course. And I struggled to get back on course. And now, I’m on a different path. A path not many people take– the path to true happiness.

 I used to be confused but now no longer. I can’t explain it. I really can’t.

I’ll still blog but I’ll concentrate more on my opinions with regards to the news, movies, showbiz, world events, current events, books or anything under the sun. But I don’t think I would want to write anymore about my personal life. Maybe occassionally.

I still had time to paint my nails. My mother was downstairs crying and my father was ( and still is ) in the hospital. I still had time to paint my nails and watch television. My world was falling apart and I still had time to paint my nails .

 I put my new earrings on. I put on a fresh shirt. I still took the time to groom myself. And everywhere around me, my world was falling apart.

 My father’s condition is deteriorating. He might need heart surgery. My mother’s mental condition is getting worse. And yet I was happy because Richard hinted that he felt something for me.

 My parents are having a fight. My father is in his sickbed. My mother is sleeping alone. Here I am, thinking of what to give Richard on his birthday.

Richard is the only good thing that happened to my life. He makes me happy. My family has always been dysfunctional. My parents have never gotten along. My mother has never forgiven my father for cheating on her. My father has never forgiven my mother for the financial mess that she has placed our family in. But now things are really deteriorating again. But this time, I have the power to do something about it. This time, I have a choice.

There is really something wrong with Britney. I don’t think it’s normal that you shave your hair off and get a tattoo afterwards. Britney also just recently checked out of a rehab clinic after only having herself committed for one day. That’s not the behavior of a woman who is still in touch with herself and her sanity.

I really do pity Britney Spears. I think that the pressures of society is just too much. She grew up under the public eye as this squeeky clean girl who can do no harm. Then, the papparazzi turned nasty on her and started painting her as this wild party woman. Things got worse when she married her ( now ) ex-husband. The papparazzi really turned on her and tried to picture her as this terrible mother and stupid wife.

I can only imagine how hard it must be to live under the scrutiny of the public. I’ve lived in this house for two decades now and it hasn’t been easy living with relatives. It was hell for me growing up in this house. Everything I did was scrutinized and analyzed by my relatives. I was never really free from their stares and from their backstabbing.

I was always expected to act a certain way and to do things a certain way. Even the way I dress was scrutinized. Until now people notice the way I dress. I’ve changed the way I dressed recently. I wear more sexy outfits and I wear earrings now. Apparently, that hasn’t escaped the scrutiny of the people in this house. They all seem to think I have a boyfriend even if I don’t. They think that I’m hiding something from them. Perhaps I have this dark secret that I don’t want to share with them.

My elder sibling is especially cruel to me. She thinks that I’m this bad person. And she’s been telling other people about her opinion of me. Now everyone in this house seems to think that I’m this bad person capable of doing something sinister. But I’m not.

The really sad thing is that I’m starting to believe the lies. I’m starting to believe that I’m capable of doing bad things. I’m starting to believe that I’m a bad person. I am swayed by other people’s opinions because I allow myself to value their opinions over my own.

That’s probably why Britney is having such a hard time. People believe that she’s a bad person, that she’s this bad mother and this wild party woman. If enough people are saying it, it’s enough for someone to question their own beliefs.

I think that Britney Spears is just a little misguided. She’s lost. If you have enough people observing you and judging you, you feel that you can never do anything right. I think that’s what is happening to Britney. She can never do anything right because people believe the worst in her.

Britney needs just one person to steer her to the right path. She needs to find herself again. Because it’s really sad when you lose yourself. People who lose themselves can find the right path. As long as there is life there is hope.

It wasn’t a coincidence anymore. Perhaps the universe was trying to tell me something. Or perhaps the universe was trying to tell us something. I hadn’t noticed it but as soon as I pointed it out, it was just so strange and so unreal.

” Hey, the three of us are born on the same month, ” I said.

” You’re right. We’re born on the same month. Not only that, our birthdays are two days apart,” Betty pointed out.

” Oh my God, it’s true,” I said. ” Our birthdays are just two days apart. This is such a coincidence. This really is.”

” Yeah, you guys are right,” Reese agreed.

There were only three of us eating breakfast. We had decided to not go home yet after work. We decided to eat breakfast and discuss things. We started discussing our love lives and our current state of mind. It would seem that we had something more in common besides a shared zodiac sign.

” I sometimes feel so lost. My chest hurts. And there are times when I just want to give up. I can’t take it anymore. I have a heavy sensation in my chest. I sometimes just want to cry and scream,” Reese revealed.

” Oh my God. That’s how I feel. That’s exactly how I feel, ” I cried.

” Sometimes I want to rest because I’m just so tired, ” Reese said.

” I’m asking for a vacation from my father,” Betty told us.

” We need to take a break from life,” I said.

” Not just our life but from everything, including our love lives,” Reese said.

 Reese said that her family problems as well as her problems with love are accumulating. She just can’t take it anymore. She just feels like crying and giving up.

It was so strange but it was as if I was listening to myself talk. They were all telling me about how they felt– they felt unloved and unwanted. They both felt so alone and so unhappy. It was as if the universe was telling me that I’m not alone in my journey. There are others who are feeling the same exact thing.

Regarding our love lives, we all concluded that we all needed to give it a little rest or a little space. I’ve been thinking of the same exact thing. It was funny how we all thought of the same thing.

And so it is, I’ll just try to give myself a little space. I’ll try to not think about Richard and what we have or don’t have. I’ll just not think too much. And I’ll just try to breathe.

I’ll also try not to think too much about my life. Just for a few days, I’d like to stop analyzing and just give my soul a little rest. I’ll probably stop writing for a few days. I’ll try to stop blogging for a while. I think I’ll do that.

The universe is telling me that I should take a rest. I’ll take a rest.

Betty said it best, ” I need to go back to my old self. I need to find myself.”

That’s what I’ve been thinking of all along. And that’s what I should do.