I never would have imagined that one year later I’d still be friends with Richard. I never would have imagined that one year later and our group still doesn’t know that me and Richard have been close and have been close for a year now. Who would have thought that it would last this long? I hope Richard stays in my life forever. There’s no such thing as a forever but you know what I mean.

I just never imagined that I’d get to know Richard better. And I never would have imagined that one year later, I’d still be confused about what I feel about him.

He’s like a brother to me. He’s like a friend. And sometimes he’s more than a friend. And he’s like family. I can’t define what we have. And maybe it’s human nature to want for things to be defined. At the end of this year, next month, I’m going to finally want for things to be defined between us.

This confusion can’t go on. And I just want Richard to know how special he is to me.

I’ve befriended the security guard in our office. His name is R. At first, I didn’t like him. In fact, no one in the office liked him. He was strict, smug and serious. I never thought that I’d come to like him.

As I started talking to him I realized that he’s a romantic at heart. He told me of the past relationships that he’s had. And he told me of his past heartbreak.

I believe that I have figured him out. It takes a while to know what people are about but once you find their hidden vulnerabilities, it’s easy to talk to them.

Last week, I received the surprise of my life when my married officemate, Jane, told me that she has a relationship with R. Who would have thought?

I was blind to the things that were happening around me. They had kept it secret but Jane decided to tell me when I started asking what she and my other officemate, E, were constantly talking about.

I don’t know why I’ve suddenly started to respect Jane. I know that having an affair is not good. But to allow yourself to be vulnerable takes courage.

It’s been well known that Jane is unhappy in her marriage. Her husband has stopped being intimate with her. And she is unhappy with how controlling he is.

I guess I have new found respect for her for falling for someone like R. R is a romantic at heart. And Jane has revealed that R is very caring and romantic.

During one of our conversations, R told me, ” It’s wonderful to be in love isn’t it? There’s no feeling like it in the world. ” And yet, I never knew at that time, that he was already seeing Jane.

We all are a little lonely. There are many of us who are unhappy in our relationships. There are so many people like Jane who are looking for someone to watch over them. People like Jane who literally fall in love with a security guard.

I find it so hard to believe that I would fall in love again. I never expected that I’d love Richard more than I’d love my ex-boyfriend. I’ve loved my ex-boyfriend for ten years and here comes Richard. A year ago, he came barging into my life and soon enough, I forgot my ex-boyfriend.

I’ve loved my ex-boyfriend most of my adult life. I was 19-years old when I met my ex. I knew in my heart that he didn’t make me happy and he wasn’t the one, but when you love someone, you just stay with that person no matter what.

But when I met Richard, I realized how unhappy I was with my ex. It became painfully clear how different Richard is from my ex. And I had to learn to let go of my old love.

It’s a little scary for me to admit that I have only known Richard for a year, and yet I already love him. I have my doubts about Richard. And I sometimes can’t accept why I love him more than I love my ex-boyfriend.

Richard just makes me happy. And I can never explain why. When I met him, it was as if I found myself. He’s my mirror. And if I don’t doubt what special friendship I have with him, I am happy. Even if I have doubts about him, I am still happy.

My friends noticed that I was all beaming and happy at work. And I didn’t even notice it until they pointed it out. Before I went to work, I had a chat with Richard. Apparently that was enough for me to be happy and smiling.

Richard has that wonderful effect on me. And in a way, he has healed me. He just makes me so grateful to be alive. And I am so grateful that I have met him. I am grateful for the special friendship that we have. Although at times I find myself feeling confused, once the confusion fades, there is love.

I know that soon I have to tell Richard how much he means to me. And it’s so strange. I’m not even afraid of rejection. I just want him to know how much he has healed me. And I have a feeling that I have helped heal him too.

Last year, Richard looked depressed and unhappy. He was always wearing black and brown. He said that his favorite colors were dark colors. And yet I see him wearing bright colors now. And there’s a glow to his face that I haven’t noticed until recently. And I like it when he’s all smiles when we’re together. Could it be that he loves me too? Anything is possible. Perhaps all I have to do is ask.

My mother used to hit me when I was a little girl. She didn’t mean to do it. She was just frustrated with her life. I knew that she loved me. Until now, I know that she loves me. But when you’re unhappy with your life you tend to blame the ones you love.I remember that I would cry for hours after she hit me. Perhaps she felt a little guilty for what happened to me as a little girl. She must have been blamed by everyone. She was after all, responsible for my well-fare and she let me down.

My case is a little unusual. It’s not everyday that a four-year old girl becomes sexually active. But since my mother was always busy and since she put me under the trust of relatives, bad things happen.

It was my mother who discovered me with my cousin. What they don’t know is that it was more complicated than that. It was my uncle– who until now remains unpunished– who taught me and my cousin. For how would two kids know what to do with their bodies at such a young age?

Fate was cruel to me. Fate was cruel to my mother. My mother failed as a mother to protect me. And so it was, during my early childhood years, she would hit me. She loved me but she hit me. In a way, she was punishing herself. Every blow to my little body was a punishment to herself.

It’s funny how little children never forget but how unconditional their love is. I have forgiven my mother for the physical and emotional pain. I don’t hold any grudges against my mother. Adults should learn a thing or two about forgiveness from children.

I believe that in every one of us, there is a little child that is emotionally hurt and needy. I think it is time for that little child in me to heal. Two months from now, I will be turning thirty. It’s about time, I forgive and forget. The little girl inside of me needs to be free. And only love and forgiveness would set me free.

The true self is immortal. The true self is pure. The true self is untainted by pain, suffering, happiness, sadness, joy. The true self is emptiness. The true self is timeless.

The false self is Mara. The false self is ego. The false self is individuality. The false self is subjectivity. The false self is ‘I’ and ‘me’ and ‘we.’ I am the false self. I am an illusion. I am real but not real, yet I am necessary.

The ego is necessary. For without the ego, there would be no perception. There would be no individual experience. Perhaps even without ego, there would be no existence.

Some Buddhists keep saying that the ego is the enemy, that needs to be annihalated and destroyed or even conquered. I have a more compassionate stance. Shouldn’t we be more compassionate of our ego, of our self? Everything has a purpose. The ego has a purpose. For without it, we would dissolve back into the source.

For me to conquer my ego, I have to befriend it and understand it. The ego has a purpose. The self has a purpose. And to understand the ego, is to understand the self.

I have more trust now in the process. I have trust in existence. Everything has a purpose. No energy is ever wasted on the universe. Creation has a purpose. And once I will dissolve into nothingness, I will be happy for I will have served my purpose.

I visited my favorite place again. It’s a little bed and breakfast nestled on top of a cliff overlooking the sea. I discovered the place a few months ago, on an unplanned road trip.

The place is just beautiful. The view is spectacular. To the left you can see a little port. And to the east you can see the neighboring island. And at the bottom you can see the waves crashing agaist the rocks. It’s a little slice of heaven. The see has a deep blue and greenish color. And the place is just one of the most peaceful places on the planet.

I have been there three times now and will visit that place again soon. I plan on buying the property when I’ve saved enough. I feel I have a karmic connection to the place because I just keep finding myself going back there .

Here’s a nice video and a nice song.

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