I stayed in bed the whole morning. I just watched whatever was on television. I rarely watch television but since I’m sick, I had no other choice but to stay in bed and watch t.v. After channel surfing for a few hours, I got more and more depressed. I watched portions of Oprah’s show. It was a rerun of an episode of a depressed father who murdered her daughters. Then, I saw part of a documentary about WTC. I watched the news about a man in Austria who imprisoned his own daughter in a basement and made her his sex slave. Then there’s news of natural disasters and poverty. After several hours of being bombarded by negative messages, I couldn’t help but feel depressed. The only difference this time is that I brought awareness into my depression. Unlike before, I am actually now aware if I get depressed, sad or if I’m in a low mood. And it really makes a difference.

If I’m in a low mood, I try not to resist being in a low mood. I understand that in life, you have ups and downs. The important thing to remember is that sadness and other emotions are just temporary. They are fleeting. What’s not normal is holding on to those emotions too long.

When I was depressed, I would hold on to my negativity for weeks at a time, or even months at a time.  I didn’t know by then how toxic and draining negative emotions are. I also wasn’t aware that the normal psychological functioning is that of happiness.

When you are depressed, everything around you is clouded. Your judgment is clouded. And once you start thinking one negative thought, it would start a chain reaction. And soon one negative thought turns into two, then three. Before you know it, you are trapped in your own negativity. You are unable to get out because of a lack of awareness that sadness is not normal.

Buddhism has really helped me be more sensitive of the energies and emotions that are coming from within me. I was never really aware of them before. But I watch them closely now. It is true what they say, the more awareness you bring, the more you can make a choice. I understand now how the concept of free will is so important.

I read self-help books and psychology books now, unlike before. I was trapped in that cycle of sadness and suffering. I felt that I could not get out. Luckily, I found a way to practice my spirituality.

A guest psychiatrist on Oprah said that medications and doctors can only do so much. Ultimately, it is the people who are in the forefront who matter when it comes to battling mental illness. He also mentioned that spirituality is a good thing because it gives one a sense of hope.

In this world where violence, poverty, mass killings, famine and wars are always on the news, it is good to have hope. Yes, some parts of the world are not safe to live in. But what we can do right now, is to bring awareness into our beings. Once we change ourselves, we can help change others.

Buddha was really right. Change has got to start from within. I’m a prime example of a person who has transformed her inner self. A year ago, before I became a Buddhist, I was diagnosed as clinically depressed. And now, people run to me when they have problems. And I encourage people to be happy and not to lose hope. I turned my life around in just a span of one year.

How did I accomplish that? By exercising my right and my choice to be happy. For ultimately, our happiness and our unhappiness lies in our hands.

” Believe, that once you start practicing, everything from now on will be good for you. We practice so that we can live a regret-free life, ” she said.

My friend Ankita and I were having coffee. She had white chocolate mocha and I had cappuccino. She was ten years younger than me, but infinitely wiser.

” The past is already gone. All we have is the present. We don’t have to worry about the future. The future is whatever we make it. I know that my life is going to be wonderful. I believe that it will be wonderful. I have so many dreams and I know I’ll achieve them all, ” she added.

How could someone so young have so much faith in the universe? And there I was listening to her, almost moved to tears. My faith has suffered a severe blow. I had come to that point in my practice where I was thinking of discontinuing.

” I don’t know why ever since I started practicing, my negativities have come up,” I revealed to her.

” That’s just the result of your past karma. You have to believe that everything has a purpose. Whatever happens to you now, is ultimately good for you. You have to believe.”

I’ve often wondered why some were quick to embrace the practice. And then there’s me, who is full of doubts and negativity. But she’s the only one who ever explained the biggest mystery of all– why I continue to suffer.

I suffer because of my past actions. I suffer because of my karma. I suffer because of my negativities. But ever since I started practicing, I was able to turn all my negativities into positives. But I guess, I just needed to hear from someone that I’m on the right track and that I shouldn’t give up on my practice.

” I don’t tell people that I’ve converted. I’m not a Buddhist per se. Buddhism is not just a religion. It’s more than that. It’s a philosophy. What I tell people is this: I’m practicing life.”

” Yes, I’ve heard about that. They say that we should be experts in life. Buddhism is about the study of life,” I told her.

My dreams and wishes are slow to come true. And I’m doubting whether I should continue on practicing. But since I had a talk with Ankita, I’ve slowly come to understand that the practice isn’t just about making your dreams and wishes come true. Ultimately, we practice to be happy. It’s the only practice that I know of that aims for absolute happiness.

” Wishes take time. Some wishes come true right away. And some wishes take time. Maybe it’s not the right time yet. And if your wishes were to come true at the wrong time, you won’t be able to appreciate it,” she explained.

But I was also wary about what she said, ” If some of your wishes missed the deadline, perhaps it’s not meant to be.”

I admit that there’s a part of me that is afraid that some of my dreams and wishes may not come true. But Ankita showed me the real reason why one should practice. And she reiterated it over and over.

” We practice so that we can be happy. We practice so that we can live a regret-free existence. And sometimes, when you make a big wish, the small wishes will just follow. Just continue to practice.”

I often wonder why some who took faith have improved their lives significantly. And there’s me, who is slow to understand. And probably it’s because I have all my priorities wrong. I complain about not receiving enough conspicuous benefits when the bigger benefits are the inconspicuous ones.

People who knew me before have noticed the changes in me. Not just in my countenance but in my behavior as well. I never smiled before. I always kept to myself. I never felt worthy of happiness. And it was unimaginable back then for me to read self-help books and psychology books. I never tried to understand myself. But the mere fact that I smile often now. The mere fact that I can laugh heartily means that something has happened inside of me. That something has changed significantly since I started to practice. I guess all I really wanted was to be reminded of that fact.

Humans normally focus on things that they don’t have. But focusing on what you don’t have won’t lead you to happiness. It is by focusing on the things that you have that make you a more happy person. It is by focusing on what you have that make you a more grateful person. And the greatest thing is, the more grateful you are, the more you invite the things that you’re grateful for.

Maybe I need to shift my perception. And it does take effort on my part to shift my thoughts to the things that I do have– I have my family, I have my health, I have a job that I love, I have friends, and I have Buddhism. What more could I ask for?

I know that I should stop chasing after happiness. Happiness is to be found within one’s own ordinary life. I try to chase for something outside of myself. I chase for happiness outside of myself. But we all know how the externals change. Circumstances change. And if we put our faith in something that is fleeting, it would only lead us to become more frustrated.

” I guess the reason why I haven’t had so many wishes come true is because I don’t know what I really want to do with my life, ” I confessed to her.

” What you need to do is have a big goal. Have a purpose in your life. And once you have that big goal, everything will just follow.”

It will take a while for me to develop my faith. A great mentor in our practice said that hope is like a muscle that you need to exercise. This is the kind of practice that doesn’t rely on blind faith. We believe because we have seen actual proof in our practice. And luckily enough, the actual proof is ME. The fact that I’ve become a more positive person and a more happy person is proof enough that this practice works.

” I used to be depressed,” Ankita revealed. ” I was the only child. ” I was depressed and I was unhappy for most my life. My parents never got along. My father died four years ago when I was sixteen. It was really bad then. But once I embraced the practice, my life has changed tremendously.”

Ankita told me that she encountered obstacles as well. But the fact that she has overcome them, means that she no longer doubts the practice.

I told her about my greatest obstacle.

” My greatest obstacle is that I lost my friend because I allowed myself to be overtaken by negativities. Things haven’t been the same since then. No one really explained to me that you’re supposed to ignore your negativities,” I told her.

” You’re not supposed to ignore them. You’re supposed to accept them and learn from them. But once you’ve overcome them, they won’t ever bother you again. They disappear from your life forever.”

” I don’t know what to do. How can you learn to forgive someone who has hurt your? And how can someone you’ve hurt learn forgive you?”

” Don’t worry. When the right time comes along, that person will just come back to your life. Just don’t stop practicing. “

I do admire Ankita. And I know in my heart, that there would come a time when I would fully embrace the practice as well. That time might be sooner than I think. And I feel it in my heart that all the obstacles and negativities that I’ve encountered happened for a reason.

I’ve had so much healing in so many aspects of my life. I used to be an emotional overeater. I don’t do that anymore. I used to have aviophobia. I don’t have that as well. I used to be afraid of what people would think of me. Now, I understand that people are entitled to their own opinions of me. The major thing that has changed is my depression. I used to be severely depressed. There were times when I thought of giving up on life. But when people see me now, they see me as a happy person. It would never cross their mind that I used to be depressed.

I never believed that happiness was found inside of oneself. But ever since I started practicing, I became a believer. Happiness is found in each and everyone of us. All we need to do is to take a close look at our lives and at ourselves. With understanding comes appreciation.

I know that I’ll overcome this major obstacle in my life. And I know I’ll emerge a happier person. Faith after all, is what makes us keep on going on. We have to believe that everything happens for a reason. And that there are lessons to be learned from all the trials that we encounter.

Life is a precious gift. And the only way we can ever show our gratitude for the life that we’ve been given is to learn to appreciate it.

I took a trip over the weekend to attend a Buddhist gathering. It was really surprising to see that a lot of people have been practicing the kind of Buddhism that I’ve been practicing. But just like always, my negativity came back again. I started to question if I wanted to be associated with the organization.

A part of me wants to practice alone. But through my realizations I’ve come to know that practicing by oneself won’t lead to growth. One can never isolate oneself from the others for the world is interconnected. And real change starts at an individual level but it doesn’t stop there.

Some members are very devoted to the primary spiritual practice of chanting. And some are not-so devoted. Some members criticize the others who are not doing anything to make themselves grow in practice. I thought that some were being too harsh. One can never inspire others to practice if one criticizes the other. Buddhism is about compassion. And Buddhism is about understanding a human being’s flaws and weaknesses.

I remember a talk I had with my sister. She cautioned me against religiosity.

” If there’s a walnut and one needs to break it, one can use a hammer or one can use the wall to break the shell,” she said.

” What is that supposed to mean?” I asked.

” Basically it means that it’s not the tool but the person behind the tool that makes a difference. The vehicle that you are using is just that, a vehicle. But it is the person who breaks the shell that is the most important of all.”

” Really?”

” It was you who wanted change. And that’s why you changed.”

I can’t emphasize enough the importance of attitude. Buddhism may offer the highest prayer known to mankind, but it is not the vehicle or the spiritual practice that really matters. What matters is the person who is using the vehicle.

I’ve heard stories of practitioners who have been practicing for years. Some have failed to grow. Our local leader said, ” Buddhism is about change. “

I agree, Buddhism is about change, but it is the person who is the key. Unless a person wants change, change won’t ever happen. You can have the best tools available , but ultimately, it is the sincerity and the desire for change that would lead a person to grow.

My colleague at the office teased me about my friend P. P is just a friend that I know in my heart won’t be anything other than a friend. We get along but we don’t have chemistry. I find him attractive in a way but I’m not physically attracted to him. So, I know I’m safe with him. And I find that I’m not really jealous when he has crushes on other girls. So, it’s safe to assume that we will always be friends or we won’t cross the line.

The thing is, with Richard, we did cross the line when we shouldn’t have. And as a result, our friendship ended. And I feel so sad because we really did have great chemistry. But P told me in a way that it is time for me to move on.

He said, ” You’re still harboring hope that you and him would get back together. “

” I guess you’re right. In a way, I’m still hoping that we’d be okay.”

” The thing is, you never had any closure. And maybe you have to accept that fact that there is never going to be closure. The same way with me and my ex-girlfriend. When we see each other we’re friends.”

” So meaning to say, I should find closure in the fact that there’s no closure? And accept the fact that I can’t accept?” I answered my own question.

The thing is, me and Richard never was. We were friends and yet there was something there. And it’s so painful for me to hold on to the what-ifs and the possibilities. And I think P is right. I should just move on. And my closure should be that I don’t have closure.

Painful as it might be to accept that I have to let Richard go, I know it’s something I have to do to end my relationship karma. I find that I’m at peace with that. And I have to accept that there are things that just don’t end like it should end. And I should just learn to accept that.

The thing is, if Richard and I are meant to be together, then the universe would just find a way to bring us together. And the fact that we’re now apart means that we’re not meant to be together. In relationships, there’s nothing you can really do to make things work if it just won’t work. Or if the other person or both of you don’t cooperate. So, what is Richard in my life? Richard is just a guy, I’m meant to let go.

I had the most profound realization today. I realized how correct the Buddhists are. The self is truly the cause of suffering. I realized that all these years, I was looking for something outside of myself. I was looking for happiness and love outside of myself. And no matter how hard I looked, I could never find it. I had to become a Buddhist to understand that all the while, I carried happiness and love within myself.

I was a seeking person. I loved to learn. After college, I took a course in literature. Then, I took painting classes, a script-writing class, cooking classes, and all the other stuff I could think about. I felt that there was something missing in my life. The same with love, I stayed in an unhappy relationship hoping it would become better. I was looking for love in the wrong place.

But on Monday, I had a discussion with my friend May. She made me realize that the quest for happiness and love is universal. Everyone is looking for happiness and love outside of themselves. And one can never find it through that way.

” I know I have all the pieces of the puzzle. I have my family. I have my work. I have my friends. I just don’t know what to do with the pieces. I don’t know how to arrange them, ” May said.

May was devastated because she learned that her father had an affair with a younger woman. She confronted her father about it. In her fit of rage, she threw objects at him. But looking back at what she did, she felt deep regret.

” I know what I did was wrong,” she revealed. ” Because I was so angry, I’m afraid that I might have lost him forever.”

” I know it’s hard for you to accept. But you don’t have to be too hard on yourself. What you did, you did out of love. You loved your father so much that you were unafraid to show him how you truly felt. You don’t have to regret. You were just being human.”

I told her that at one point in my previous relationship, I cheated with my boyfriend. It was more of emotional cheating. Nothing came out of it though. But I learned a lesson from that experience.

” When you’re lonely and unhappy with your relationship, sometimes it can be so overwhelming that you start to do something that you know is not right. But looking back, I realized that I was only human, ” I told her. ” It’s hard sometimes not to be overwhelmed by our problems and emotions. I guess that’s why you need a higher awareness.”

I told May that I got my higher awareness from chanting. But I told her that it doesn’t have to be chanting. I told her that she could do mediation exercises or yoga. What matters is that you have a constant spiritual practice.
It wasn’t only through my talk with May that I realized something. I had a talk with my cousin during the weekend. She complained about her boyfriend.

” He’s not there for me. He’s always busy. He never has time for me. And I think he’s cheating on me. I’m thinking of replacing him. I want to just find someone else,” she said.

” Do you think that if you find someone else, you won’t feel the same thing for your new boyfriend eventually? And even if you find someone else, you’ll carry that with you. The problem is not your boyfriend. The problem is you. ” I said.

” What do you mean?” she seemed surprised.

” I have this married friend. He revealed to me that his wife is sweet and yet he’s not satisfied with her. And the one at fault is him. It’s always the person. To a person who complains, he will always find something to complain about no matter where he is. I used to complain a lot. But now, I rarely do. You can never run out of things to complain about. The problem is not your partner, but you,” I told her.

I told her a story about Buddha. One day, there was this man who went to Buddha and complained about his wife. What Buddha told him was rather simple. Buddha said, ” The problem is not your wife. The problem is you. The problem is how you see your wife.”

Humans always complain. Humans always find fault in others. But to try to change others is difficult. One must first start with oneself. The secret is to change the way one looks at life. Being a grateful person takes practice but it is possible to be a more grateful person.

All those years, I was searching for something missing in my life. Like May, I had all the pieces of the puzzle yet I didn’t know what to do with it. And because she pointed it out to me, I realized how I’m no longer looking for happiness and love outside of myself. I have found what I was looking for. I wasted all those years of my life looking for something that I had carried with me all along.

I am grateful I have become a Buddhist. I would never have understood myself. I never would have understood others. I know the journey to self-discovery has just begun. The path to self-awareness isn’t easy, but I am confident that I will carry on.

I just had a strange realization. I realized that I am drawn to the darkness. That it was my choice to be depressed. In fact, I found it very alluring.

It was my choice to be depressed all those years. I never really was aware of it but I loved being depressed. I loved the feeling of complete surrender. That’s why I attracted my ex-boyfriend. He was depressed like me. And what’s more, he was a drug addict. There was something about that whole dysfunctional relationship that I just loved.

Being aware of one’s own weaknesses takes a lot of courage. I would rather not be aware of my own darkness. But being unaware means not growing. And I guess there came a point in my life that I felt so heavy and so unhappy that I wanted change. Change came in the form of Buddhism.

I’ve only been a Buddhist for a year but my inner transformation has been so profound. And each day that I’m following this path, I grow inch by inch.

To embrace change takes courage though. It also takes a lot of work. That’s why I preferred being depressed. Because when you are depressed, all you need to do is to do nothing. And laziness is one of my weaknesses. I would rather just do nothing.

My psychiatrist recommended that I read self-help books. The idea of helping myself was an alien concept. But I guess I did learn to take her advice to heart. I’ve been buying self-help books and psychology books ever since I became a Buddhist.

I don’t think I’ll ever go to a psychiatrist again. I cured my depression by trying to understand myself. I still believe that in extreme forms of depression, one should take prescription pills. I guess I was lucky that I wasn’t severely depressed. I was suicidal but I still had the chance to help myself before it was too late. Sometimes, that’s all that really matters– that we help ourself.

Even Sakyamuni Buddha wanted his followers to be self-reliant. In fact, before he died he was said to have uttered these words: Be a lamp unto yourself.

It takes courage to shine a lamp of awareness into the darker regions of our unconscious and subconscious. But to really know oneself and to be truly happy, we must be unafraid to venture forth and get to the know ourselves better. When we understand ourselves, we can heal ourselves. And once we are strong enough, we can start to help other people heal as well.

Along my spiritual journey I was lucky enough to have found these books. I highly recommend them.

Don Miguel Ruiz’s Four Agreements, Book of Knowledge and Mastery of Love.

Richard Carlton’s You Can Be Happy No Matter What

The Wisdom of Negative Thinking

I never really thought that I’d be missing Richard. Two months ago, I hated his guts. I swore to myself that I would never forgive him. And today, I really do miss him. I miss his non-sequiturs. I miss his laugh. And I miss his simple yet funny insights. He really did have a sense of humor.

I thought that I could live without him. I mean, it is possible to live without him. I’ve only known him for a year. But the question is not on whether I could live without him but whether I should live without him.

He adds a new dimension to my life. And he keeps me simple and grounded. He’s a good influence in my life. And I know I was a good influence on his. I know that because whenever I’m with him, I’m more patient and more caring. He brings out the goodness in me. He brings out my simple side. He brings out my goofy side. He brings out my good side.

But the thing is, Richard and I were never really just friends. We were something other than friends. Or rather we were friends but not friends. There was really an attraction there. And also, an unstated romance. I guess my fault was not being patient with him. Or in not being patient with the relationship. We had our hits and misses. When he was ready for something more, it was I who was not ready. And then he stopped. And when I was ready, he wasn’t ready. We never really got the timing right.

I still need time to reflect on what should be done. I still need to reflect on what he means to me. I don’t know what to do with him actually. I also don’t want to go back to what we had. Yes, we had a wonderful friendship, but it was a confusing friendship as well. And although I care for him so much, I don’t want to be in that state of confusion and uncertainty. So, for the time being, I’m not talking to him. But today, I miss him. And who knows one of these days, I might miss him enough to call him. And maybe we’ll forget that we had a misunderstanding. And who knows? Maybe I’ll finally know what he means to me.

My inner transformation has been so rapid that I never had the chance to reflect on what has happened. But now for the first time, I feel ashamed of who I have become. When I wanted and prayed for change, I don’t believe that I wanted to turn into someone like me– a woman who is becoming vainer and vainer by the minute and a woman who is starting to care what other people think of her.

I used to not care about my looks. I would wear the same shirt and the same pants. I would wear rubber shoes instead of sandals. I never wore dangling earrings. I never cared about my hair. In fact, I never would comb my hair. I was simple and I was meek. And I never cared what other people thought about my looks.

But now, I wear fancy blouses. I wear expensive shoes. And I wear dangling earrings. I admit, I started wearing nice clothes to make myself feel good. But recently, I wear clothes so that other people notice me. I am beginning to like the attention. And that’s not the reason why I started to change the way I dressed.

My mother told me a few days ago. She said, ” You don’t have to wear fake earrings to look good. Sometimes, simplicity is beauty.” And she is right. I can be simple and yet elegant.

My sister also noticed and told me recently that I was becoming vain. In a way, she is right. They say that what you project to the world is an inner reflection of who you are inside. Have I become superficial? I think I have.

Along the way, I lost some part of me. I miss the simple girl that I used to be. I can still be pretty and yet simple. And I can still dress fancy and yet not become too preoccupied with my looks. I must find that balance. So that I can show to the world the person that is inside of me.

When I was in the brink of insanity, I wanted so much to embrace real change. And now that I have changed so much, the question is, ” Have I actually changed for the better?”

I’m starting to get a picture of my mission in life. This evening, I had a phone conversation with my friend. She was not feeling too well. She just had a big fight with her father. She had just confronted her father about his extra-marital affair. Apparently, she physically hurt her father out of rage. And I don’t know what happened, when I talked to her, I could understand what she was going through. And I told her things that I never thought I knew. It was as if my wisdom just flowed from within.

I am capable of such profound insight. And yet, I can be selfish and superficial as well. I think I need to reflect on the person that I’ve become. I actually don’t like what I’ve turned into.

It’s not too late to change course. I don’t want to turn into this selfish person who only cares to please people who matter. I want to help initiate positive change into this world. I want to help people. I want to spread awareness and hope.

I still see traces of that old self– the girl who cared about others. All I need to do is to nurture that part of me and become a person who can really make a positive impact in this reality.

I have to be less harsh on myself though. It’s all part of my growing pains. And I can’t be too impatient with myself. After this awkward period of adjustment, I will change into a confident person. I want to become this person who is really capable of bringing out  positive social change.

I’m really tired of listening to my personal drama. In fact, I’m fed up with myself. I think I’m too self-centered. I see the world through this narrow hole. And I’m tired of feeling bad when the circumstances in my life don’t go according to my vision. And I’m tired of feeling elated when things come my way. Feeling low and feeling high are just momentary things that come and go.

There must be a reason why I practiced Nichiren Buddhism .This type of Buddhism is supposed to teach you how to find absolute happiness. I want to find that within myself. I would want to be in that state of unwavering contentedness and gratitude. I don’t want to be affected by the external circumstances anymore. I’m tired of my mood swings. I’m tired of running after my thoughts.

I used to focus on what I didn’t have. But now, I’m slowly learning to focus on the things that I do have. I realized that one can never run out of things to complain about. One will never run out of things to acquire. There will always be certain aspects of one’s life that will need improvement. Instead of focusing on what one doesn’t have, then perhaps one should focus on what needs to be done to make the most out of one’s life.

I used to be so ungrateful of what I had. When I was in a relationship I didn’t appreciate what my boyfriend did. I’d complain about what he didn’t do for me. I focused too much on the negative aspects of that relationship. It wasn’t his fault that I had a less than ideal relationship. It was my fault because I didn’t try to make it work.

And now that I’m single, I’m complaining because I get lonely when all I should do is just appreciate the fact that I have the freedom to do whatever I please. And I should be grateful for this phase in my life because it allows me to think about what I really want in a relationship. This phase will soon end. I know that. I know that I’ll be in a relationship again. My next relationship is going to end up like my previous relationship unless I bring awareness to it.

I have this colleague who comments on everyone she meets. Last night we had a short talk. And I realized how fed up I was with her ways. She would talk about someone and find something negative to talk about that person. She would always focus on what that other person has done wrong. I’m not saying that she’s wrong to do that. It’s her choice. But the thing is, it just never ends. Pointing out other people’s mistakes and focusing on their mistakes doesn’t allow much room for her own personal growth.

I think what she is doing bothers me because I used to be like that. I used to be so critical of myself and also of other people. But I realized that I can’t change others. What I can do is to change how I approach others. What I can do is to provide them with awareness. I can only point out to them their blind spots. If they want to change, it’s all completely up to them.

I used to be so hypersensitive of other people’s criticism of me. I used to be so guarded. I was sarcastic and touchy. And now, when people criticize me, I take it as an opportunity for me to grow. In fact, I’m more grateful for the people who criticize me because they give me awareness of the blind aspects in my life.

It is true. Our thoughts do shape our reality. There is no escaping that fact. But sometimes when one just watches one’s thoughts, one would find great wisdom. I’ve completely changed the way I approach my thoughts. I no longer get carried away by them. Sometimes, I forget that thoughts are just thoughts. I allow myself to be carried away by them. But those times get fewer and fewer. Unlike before, I would follow every thought and scrutinize each thought.

There are moments when I don’t have thoughts anymore. These are the moments that I try to stay in the present. It’s really wonderful to be in that state. In that state of mind, you don’t get dragged down by your past. You also don’t get worried about the future. You just stay as you are. And there is a sense of calm and peace.

As my awareness grows, I realize that in order to be truly happy, I have to do things beyond my self. I have to go beyond my ego. I feel that in order to be truly happy, I must help other people. I feel that I must share my awareness.