I bumped into two college classmates. They look older, plumper and tired. And I wonder how they look at me. I never thought that my converting would be such a big deal to them.

” I heard that you switched religion, ” V said.

” Really? Where did you hear that?”

” Well, I just heard it from the guys. Anyway, there’s a reunion this coming weekend. Please do come.”

” Oh. Who’s coming?”

” The ones that are still here. O went back to med school. K is going to leave for abroad. S is going to Canada. I’ll just send you a message if our reunion pushes through. Okay?”

V used to be one of the class clowns back in college. Everybody knew him because he was such a blabber mouth. He has gotten bigger since then. Gained thirty pounds or so. But he’s still the same.

I have changed so much and I’m still changing inside. Sometimes, I don’t even know who I am anymore. Not that I really knew who I was to begin with. I know who I’m not. But I’m figuring out who I am or what my life’s purpose is. Unlike before though, I’m happy as my purpose unfolds each day.

I went to dinner with two workmates during the middle of the work week. C and B are both unhappily married. C married his wife because he got her pregnant. And I asked B if he loved his wife and he wouldn’t even give a straight answer. They are not happily married and yet they keep pushing marriage to me.

” It’s about time you get married,” B said. ” You’re not getting any younger.”

” Oh. Really?” I replied. I tried to sound disinterested. I usually am when it comes to his comments. He has nothing else to say but point out other people’s flaws.

C and B talked about their wives and talked about how expensive everything was. They talked about the food serving being too small and being too expensive. I was actually mesmerized by their stories of expenses, of marriage and of their gossiping.

I usually don’t partake of gossiping. But I find it interesting when other people talk about other people. And I especially find it interesting when people complain. Ever since I became a Buddhist, I’ve managed to stop complaining about my life. I’ve become more grateful.

I had a phone conversation with my former workmate N. We discussed movies, life and insurance. And I couldn’t help but tell him about what I observed about people in general. And I realized this after my dinner with C and B.

” The thing is Daddy N, I don’t understand why people don’t realize that life isn’t about work and about retiring,” I said.

” It’s just the way it is.”

” It’s just that, primarily, we’re spiritual beings. And we forget that there’s more to life than our careers. Some people live for work. And when they’re out of work or in retirement, they look forward to living. But isn’t it a bit foolish to live your life like that? We’re all headed for death anyway. Why not enjoy every moment of our lives? It is is a privilege to be alive. And yet, most people, especially the people in developed countries, prioritize their careers. And when they’re in retirement, that’s when they realize their mistakes. That’s when they start to regret.”

” You should watch the Bucket List then. It’s a good movie. And it basically talks about living your life to the fullest.”

” I’ll make sure I’ll watch that film.”

Daddy N tried to convince me to buy insurance. But I guess it didn’t work. I know I should save up for my future. And yet, I know that I shouldn’t be to obsessed or anxious about my future. I’m taking it one day at a time. It’s ultimately what I do in the present that would determine the kind of future I’ll have. Unlike before, I’m no longer afraid. I’ll face each day as it comes.

I just saw the movie Bucket List. It seems an interesting idea. I don’t know how long I’m going to live. Hopefully, I’ll die old. I’m still thirty but it’s not too early to start my own bucket list.

Ever since I became a Buddhist, I’ve started to live my life to the fullest. I was depressed for most of my life. It’s about time I catch up with life.

I had dinner with two workmates last night. They seemed stressed and unhappy with their personal lives. It was then that I realized how changed I am. Like them, I used to be so involved with my problems and worries. Then, something wonderful happened. I became a Buddhist. I’ve never looked at life the same way.

Most of the people I know are so involved with their own cares and worries that they have forgotten to enjoy and appreciate their life. Most people never stop and ask themselves what their purpose in life is. Most people have ignored the spiritual aspect of their life.For me, it is the most important thing. We must nourish our spirits for our physical body fades away.

I know I’m going to realize my dreams within my lifetime. There’s no doubt about it. My conviction is to leave this world happy.

Here’s my bucket list:

-cook for my own family.

-tuck my children to bed every night.

- travel all over the world with my husband.

-make love with my husband in the most exciting of places.

- go to Greece

- go to Taj Mahal, India

- visit Mt. Fuji

- go back to the Eiffel Tower but this time with my husband.

- see the Pyramids of Giza.

- go skinny dipping.

- go mountain climbing.

- make love by the seashore.

- give birth to a daughter.

- give birth to twin boys.

- sing in front of a large crowd.

- publish a book or books.

-spread Buddhism in my home country and thus spread hope, love and peace.

- buy my favorite bed and breakfast inn.

- own my private beach resort.

- marry the man I love.

- travel around the world with my husband and children.

- take wonderful pictures of the wonderful places I’m going to visit.

- see my daughter walk down th aisle.

- go fishing.

- dive with sharks.

- bungee jump.

- sky dive.

-fly a plane.

- drive really fast on the autobahn in Germany.

- own a business that helps spread wealth to the less fortunate.

- see whales.

-visit the North Pole or Antarctica.

- swim with a whaleshark.

-own a kayak.

-help as many people as I can.

My grandmother used to say when I was a kid, that a person who doesn’t know how to look back from where he came from, won’t get to where he needs to go. I never really took it to heart until now. A year ago, before I became a Buddhist, I wanted change. My cousin introduced me to Buddhism. I didn’t know what I was getting myself into but I was open-minded about it. I had no idea at that time how becoming a Buddhist would literally transform my life.

Before I became a Buddhist, I was clinically depressed. There were countless of times when I considered taking my own life. Of course, to the outsider, they found it unusual that a girl who has everything would take her own life. But somehow, having money doesn’t help when you’re unhappy. And all my life, I was haunted by a childhood incident that I could never undo. It also didn’t help that I fell in love with the wrong guy.

There were days or weeks when I would just sleep and do nothing. There were days when I would stuff myself. And days when I would starve myself. Sometimes, my seeking spirit would emerge. I always wanted to learn new things. So I took painting lessons, cooking lessons, foreign language lessons, a literature course and all other things I could think of, but I still wasn’t happy.

I thought of escaping from my life and migrating to another country. That didn’t work out as well. There was something missing in my life and I couldn’t figure out why. Everywhere I went, I was unhappy. Whatever I did, I was unhappy. And at the lowest point in my life when I finally thought I would take my own life, I found Buddhism or Buddhism found me.

I was a devout Catholic. Not many people knew that I would go visit my favorite church every week or everyday if I would have to. I thought that God was in charge of my happiness. So I relied on God for everything. It took some getting used to, because Buddhism teaches that you must not seek for God outside of yourself but seek for God within.

My friends say that all religions are the same. During a get-together, my friends asked me what makes Buddhism different from all other religions. And all I could tell them was that you would feel it in your heart that it’s different. It would transform you in ways you can’t imagine. I could never explain to them how different it is. It’s beyond words.

Buddhism is more than a religion. It’s more than a philosophy. To label it would be to limit it. Herbie Hancock once said that Buddhism is not exclusive but inclusive. Buddhism is about the study and the practice of life. How can it exclude everything else when it is all about life?

Buddhism is reason. Buddhism is about change. Buddhism is about following your heart. Buddhism is about action. To describe the practice would be to limit it.

My journey hasn’t been without bumps and pitfalls. I have made so many mistakes during my first year of practice. But what’s so wonderful about the practice is that even if you make mistakes, you learn from them. And you actually find a way to go beyond your mistakes and do something about it.

My inner transformation has been painful. Change is always painful. You have to let go of the person you used to be. And there are certain truths about yourself that you would rather shy away from. I had to face my inner demons.