A Blog A Day

It\’s a blog where I write about the extraordinary and the ordinary things going on in my life.

Greatest Hits

Charlie is one of my favorite characters in Lost. I really cried when he died. I knew it was coming. Desmond already envisioned it. But still, it didn’t make it any less poignant.

Charlie’s life was very emotional. In season one, he was redeemed by the power of faith. I still remember when he crawled out alive from a tunnel. He followed a butterfly to lead him to safety.

It wasn’t really the butterfly that led him to safety, but his faith. The island– which has the capacity to manifest the good and the bad– manifested his faith in himself. And that was what the butterfly represented.

Charlie is a good man who just lost his true self in circumstance. He was a drug-addict and a rock star. He wasted his life on sex and drugs. His life was empty and devoid of any meaning. He hit rock bottom before he crashed on the island.

The island manifested his lost self. Charlie thought that all he was and all he ever will be is an addict. But when he came to the island, he realized that there was more to him than that. He found the hero inside of him. And that’s how he died.

Before Charlie died, he listed down the greatest hits or the greatest memories of his life. I have many memories. But I’ll start with the greatest hit of my life starting nine months ago. That’s when my real life began.

Top 5 Greatest Hits

5. When my cousin betrayed me. Some would call it a bad experience. But because of what he did, I realized my karmic cycle– that of incest. I had a nervous breakdown as a result of his betrayal. I thought I could trust him, but he was a sex addict. He preyed on me just like he preyed on other women.

At first, I thought I could never forgive him. I still fear him. He may have denied what he tried to do, but the eyes never lie. He may have told me otherwise, but I’ve looked straight into his eyes and saw the truth.

If he didn’t betray me, I would have had a nervous breakdown. If I didn’t have a nervous breakdown, I wouldn’t have had seen a psychiatrist. My psychiatrist spoke about karmic cycle and other Buddhist terms. She said to me the most wonderful thing. She said that I have the capacity to change my destiny and plant good seeds.

When my psychiatrist told me that I was going to need anti-depressants, that’s when I realized that I was in serious trouble. I didn’t want to rely on drugs to make me happy. I had to find out how to find happiness within myself. That’s when I found Buddhism.

4. Breaking up with my EX for good. I was in that karmic cycle of pain and sorrow for a decade. I would break up with my ex but I’d go back to him after a few months. Then we’d break up again and then he’d somehow find a way to convince me to take him back. This year, I finally had the courage to end that cycle of pain and sorrow. But it took a lot of courage to break that cycle of pain. Even now, there are times when I doubt what I did. But if I trust my heart, I know that I did the right thing.

3. Having a talk with my soul sister– my cousin. She was my original best friend. We talked about our lives and what happened to us for the past ten years. We’ve been best friends since we were six years old. But for ten years, we lost touch. We only reconnected recently.

I told her about my childhood sex abuse. And she told me about her many painful relationships. I cried for myself. I cried for her. We cried for each other.

I will never forget that fateful night. When we talked, there were shooting stars in the sky. The sky was aglow with the light of the moon.

2. The day I discovered Buddhism. I started practicing it on an island. I would never forget that day. I have a connection with that island until now.

1. When I got drunk, I allowed myself to be vulnerable. We were dancing in a bar. I pulled Richard close to me because I had lost all my inhibitions. He also drank some alcohol. I don’t know how drunk he was but we started dancing together. I remember hugging him. I remember feeling like I was safe. I would never forget that day for as long as I live.

I am undecided as to what my true number one greatest hit would be. But I also have another memory with Richard. We were on an island excursion. Richard touched a plant. As a result a small splint got embedded in his finger. Our girl companions tried to extract it but they seemed disinterested in helping him. After many failed attempts they gave up on him.

I approached Richard and didn’t stop until I got it out. Richard was in pain but I managed to take it out.

At that moment, I realized that I wanted to be with him. That I wanted to cure all his pains. I wanted to be there for him. And to help heal him if he allowed me.

It was just a simple act of taking out splint from his hand. But for me, it was symbolic of how I felt for him. That moment was a revelation. I wanted to become his friend. I wanted to show him how much I loved him. And even if I didn’t know him that well, I knew in my heart that he would be someone special. Perhaps someone who I would love for the rest of my life. And I know in my heart that he loves me the same way.


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