A Blog A Day

It\’s a blog where I write about the extraordinary and the ordinary things going on in my life.

My Journey Thus Far

I think I’m reaching a breakthrough. After many months of fighting my inner demons, I see that the goodness in me is starting to shine.

I thought it was impossible at first. I was sexually abused that made me clinically depressed. I was trapped in a bad relationship for ten years. I thought it was impossible to see the goodness in my reality. But it happened ever so slowly.

My path may not be the path that everyone should take. But I chose this path because this is a path that I feel I have a connection to. I chose Buddhism as my path to self-realization and self-improvement. But it’s been a hard path but now, I’ve reached a milestone.

It happened slowly at first. I didn’t even realize it. But people started to notice my change in appearance. They noticed that my face looked brighter and that I was happier. Then I started to see a change in my outlook and my attitude. It was inconceivable for me to look at the bright side to everything. I was the perpetual pessimist. But now, I’m more of an optimist than a pessimist. And I didn’t even notice the change until someone told me.

A friend told me that I was an optimist. It’s a label that never would have fit my personality. I was depressed and preoccupied with death. That’s why when I started chanting, I started to attract negative entities. I was more attracted to the dark-side of things.

Before I became a Buddhist, I kept a thick book about serial killers. I was fascinated with death and crime. I would follow grisly cases on the internet. I knew the lives of the serial killers. I was into vampire movies and horror movies. I was fascinated by the darkness because I felt that my life was enveloped with it.

When I became a Buddhist, the first thing that changed was my fascination with death. The news about crime and grisly death no longer appealed to me. In fact, I was affected by it.

Then other changes started to happen. I started to see the good in the bad. And I started to see the purpose of people in my life. I always had a self-defeatist attitude. I was always angry with the world. I thought that the world was my enemy and that no one could understand me. I thought that no matter what I did, I had no choice in it. I would always be who I am. But that also slowly changed.

As I begin to chant and to read more about Buddhism, the more insight and the more changes I see in my self. I get sad still but I don’t spend a whole day or a whole week brooding over the bad things that have happened to me. In fact, I recover rather quickly. Even with my anger. I get angry but then it just disappears. I bear no grudges. After my anger ceases, realization takes place.

I never would have thought that it was possible to see changes inside and outside of myself. Nine months ago, I would have laughed at all the things that have happened to me. I would have thought that it was impossible. But so much has happened to me. And most of them, if not all of them are good. Yes, there were bad things that happened but it was all necessary. Both the good and the bad are necessary to achieve realization.

I still have fears but I don’t allow it to stop me from becoming a happier person. I  may get sad but at least I know how to accept it. I may have physical aches and pains but I always look at the bright side of things now.

I have asthma. And strangely enough, I am grateful for my asthma because every time I have an asthma attack, it reminds me how lucky I am that I am still alive. It reminds me to take care of my body. It also allows me to slow down. Some would think that it’s a bad thing to have physical sickness, but if you know the purpose behind it, it will no longer burden you.

I’ve achieved a breakthrough today. I have a feeling that this progress will continue on for the rest of my life.

From now on, I will always strive to be a more positive person. I will always strive to be happy. Happiness is God’s gift to all of us.

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3 Comments»

  Sdek wrote @

Nice blog! visit mine
http://blog.07video.com

  missypants wrote @

you have a amazing story. I am going through a break up right now. I feel the same way about my ex as you do yours. Any advice?

  ablogaday wrote @

I don’t know how to help you. Each experience is unique. I can’t say that I got over my relationship. I haven’t it continues to haunt me and affect me until now. I’m just taking it one day at a time. And prayers help as well. And becoming a Buddhist has helped tremendously. It makes you understand more about yourself. And becoming a Buddhist has helped me heal.
I hope you’ll get better.


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