A Blog A Day

It\’s a blog where I write about the extraordinary and the ordinary things going on in my life.

A Change Would Do You Good

I never thought that I’d be able to turn my life around. It just seems too good to be true. But I know it’s real because I prayed for it. I prayed for it and I wished for it. And now, I’m starting to live my dream.

Ten years ago, when I was nineteen years old, I met a man who would become my first love. I knew nothing about love but I was desperate to find love. So, when the first opportunity came along, I grabbed it.

A became my first boyfriend. He was eight years old than me. I thought he was wiser and more mature. I was wrong. He was irresponsible. He was a junkie.

I was naive. I thought I could help change him. But I realized too late that change isn’t initiated by someone else. Change has to come from within.  A wasn’t willing to change. That’s why I never made an impact on his life.

I thought that A was sincere. I thought that he had loved me. But looking back, it was I who had loved him. It’s a painful realization. Gladly, I have since moved on.

I learned a lot from my past relationship. I learned how to love the wrong way. I learned that without friendship, respect and understanding, love will never flourish.

I loved A but we were lovers more than friends. A has known me for ten years but until now he knows next to nothing about me. A never paid attention.

A said to me many times that he loved me. But it was rare that I would feel it. He was being insincere and I knew it. I ignored it because I loved him.

A would tell me that he loved me more than his life. But his actions would indicate otherwise.

I stayed in that relationship because I was afraid that no one would love me. But now I realize that I stayed in that relationship because I didn’t love myself.

I know things are going to be different from now on. I am beginning to love and accept my life. I am beginning to accept the being that I am now.

I know that existence is impermanent. That’s why I intend to live in the present.

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2 Comments»

  missypants wrote @

I just recenlty got out of a relationship of two years. My ex ‘A’ was 8 years older then me. I was 19 when i met him, he was 27. I still love him so much. Please help me! Missy

  ablogaday wrote @

I was with my boyfriend for ten years. He was also eight years older than me. When we met and had a relationship he was 27 years old. I don’t know how to advise you. All I can say is that if you love someone, and you lose them, it’s very difficult and devastating. I can understand how you feel. But sometimes distance and time will make you feel better. But the love remains.


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