A Blog A Day

It\’s a blog where I write about the extraordinary and the ordinary things going on in my life.

Fade Away

I had breakfast early yesterday morning with my work mates. We’re the closest group ever. Since we started work four months ago, we’ve been inseperable. We hang out together. We eat breakfast together. We talk together. We laugh together. We’re the closest team in the office. Everyone notices us immediately.

I decided to buy the group some ice cream. They shouted and thanked me profusely for the dessert.

One of our work mate, M, has a father who is sick with cancer. Since the hospital was just a few meters away, we decided to visit her father.

When I saw M’s father, I was immediately surprised. He looked frail and sick. He was only in his sixties but he looked like he was in his seventies or in his eighties. His stomach was bloated and he was skinny. There was an oxygen tube attached to his nostrils.

M’s father was sick and perhaps dying but he still has retained his sense of humor. He still commented about the tv show he was watching. He hadn’t lost his charm.

I felt so sad for M. M is really close to her father and mother. No one wants to see their loved ones needlessly suffer. M confessed that she would rather have her father die than to watch him suffer.

” He fell and he hit his head. We thought he was going to die,” she revealed.

” What happened?” Someone asked.

” He was walking and he slipped. He fell. We thought he had stopped breathing.”

M revealed that his father is very frail and that he has broken almost every bone in his body.

” The cancer has spread to his bones. And the doctors say that he has less than four months to live. But he has lived for two years since his diagnosis.”

No one wants to see suffering in action. No one wants to see physical suffering. I feel so sad for M and for her father. Sometimes, it makes you wonder why suffering was created. Is suffering really necessary?

I of all people should know the truth. Suffering has a purpose. I know that. But sometimes, it’s just to hard to accept that. It’s too hard to accept that we create our own suffering. And yes, even physical suffering, it’s one of our illusions too. But what a convincing illusion it is. For when we suffer inside, the whole world sees our suffering too.

I feel great compassion for my friend M. I can sense that she loves her father. She has seven other half-siblings but none of them ever showed up.

This morning, I prayed for M so that her siblings would help her financially. I also prayed for her father’s healing.

I feel great sadness for her. And I am moved to tears. Yesterday, I saw and felt so much love in the room. M loves her father and her mother loves her father. There was so much love in the room. I felt that that love was capable of saving their father.

I can only offer tears and prayers. But at the end of the day, it is M who has the power to change her karma. And it is only M who will understand the meaning of the suffering that surrounds her.

I will continue to pray for M. Perhaps even offer her my prayer. Because of her suffering, I am now more aware that I too should show more love for my parents. My parents are getting older. Soon enough they too would get sick and die.  I have to accept that. That’s why I must strive hard everyday to spend more time with them. And to appreciate them.

My parents were destined to become my parents. I was destined to become their daughter. I should be brave enough to show them my love and appreciation. For this lifetime is very short. And soon, very soon, we all fade away.

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