A Blog A Day

It\’s a blog where I write about the extraordinary and the ordinary things going on in my life.

Love As An Ideal

I now know why I had to suffer. I now know why I had to go through such a painful relationship. I had to go through all of that pain and sadness so that I would understand how not to make a relationship work. Because I did everything wrong in my previous relationship, I now understand how to make a relationship work.

It takes a lot of courage to finally admit to yourself that you made a mistake. It took me years to finally admit it. But yes, I accept that I was the one responsible for making my previous relationship fail. That relationship failed because I didn’t give it much effort. The intention to love unconditionally was there. But I didn’t act on my intention. I loved my EX boyfriend but I didn’t show him how much I loved him.

When we’d argue my boyfriend would always say, ” I don’t think that love is ever enough, is it?” But he was wrong. Love is enough. Love is more than enough. It’s just that we don’t like to act on it. We may love someone, but we sometimes fail to show them how we really feel. That’s why we lose the people we love.

I still remember that day when my EX-boyfriend sat across me and talked to me about marriage. He kept telling me about this book that he read. He was being mushy and all. And then he suddenly turned serious. He started to read a passage from the bible. It was from Corinthians 13. He was so sincere when he read the following passage:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

I knew in my heart that my ex-boyfriend understood and meant what he said. I knew that he loved me and that he cared for me. But somehow, I also knew that the ideal was far from the truth. He was talking about the kind of love that we never had. Or the kind of love that we could have. And everytime I hear this passage from the bible, it always brings me to tears. Because I had loved and yet I had never really loved truly.

My boyfriend would keep telling me that he loved me. But there were times when his words felt empty. It’s not that he didn’t love me. He did. He never really showed me how he truly felt about me. There were times when he allowed himself to be vulnerable. But he always held back. And I also held back. We both held back.

There were times when I’d see that determined side of him. He promised me that he would change. There was a time that he did act responsibly. There was a time that he tried to prove to me that he can be a better person. But then, he’d forget his promise and he’d go back to his old ways.

I never demanded that he change. I never demanded that he’d prove his love for me. I think it’s always a given in any relationship. You have to be the best person that you can be. You have to show that you are capable of becoming a better person not to impress the other person, but because you want to be the kind of person that deserves to be loved.

But ultimately, the ideal falls short of reality. And so, I loved but I loved conditionally. It is even sadder when you know that you could have had a great love if only you tried a little harder and loved a little deeper.

I take responsibility for my failed relationship. I failed in the most painful way. I loved but I didn’t love truly. These are truths that are hard to swallow. But once you accept responsibility for your mistakes, you realize how powerful you truly are. I may not have the power to turn back the hands of time. But I have the power to shape my current relationship and turn the ideal into the real.

I think that the last thing for me to do would be to learn to forgive myself. I may be responsible for my failed relationship but it doesn’t mean that I should be too hard on myself. I was unaware back then. But from now on, I have learned a valuable lesson:

It is better to show love than to say it. Words are empty without action. And you might have the right intention but it is the right effort that truly matters. Love is wonderful as an ideal, but it’s the practice of showing love that truly makes a difference. Love is like a flower. For it to blossom there must be right intention, right effort and right care.

 

 

 

 

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