A Blog A Day

It\’s a blog where I write about the extraordinary and the ordinary things going on in my life.

What I Wrote to My Future Self

Dear FutureMe,

It’s your birthday right now….how are you? Are you happy?

Here’s what happened today:

You have finally accepted the painful truth.. The man that you love.. L is bisexual.. Your friend J has finally confirmed that…… And you’ve known it all along but to finally have to accept the truth…… It’s a little sad.. And what’s so funny? You saw a rainbow as you were being told of the truth. I wonder what that means..> Do you??? You should know……

Who are you with? Are you with a man that you love? Are you in a relationship? Are you married?

R your friend is sleeping in your room right now. She’s suicidal. She just found out that she’s pregnant. And she just broke up with her boyfriend. What’s sad is that when she went to see him, you were there, and you saw R’s boyfriend with another girl. And it’s the same girl that caused their break up. R said, ” Even if he has hurt me. I still love him. And I’ll still continue to love him.” And you realize that you feel the same way.. Even if you feel betrayed about L…. not telling you what he is…. and who he is… you still feel betrayed….

You just acknowledged that you had feelings for your married colleague N…. He’s your ideal man. And it took you a long time to finally accept that you really like him.. or have fallen for him. That’s why you get jealous when N calls his wife… You can’t understand why…. You have feelings for him… and it’s humbling.. because you never thought that you’d be attracted to a married guy.. It’s so humbling…..

What you want right now is to go back to your EX… you realize that you still love him.. Of course, what’s so sad is that you’ve fallen in love for L as well… With L’s help you got over your EX… but because of L… you have to go back to your EX because you feel that you have to get over him.. How sad is that???

This is probably one of the saddest.. if not the saddest days of your life…… There would be sad days.. but this one is the saddest…… Perhaps there will be sadder days…. but this is the lowest point in your life……..

You’re a Buddhist…and you realize that you should be above all this.. But you realize that you’re only human…and to be truly happy.. you have to accept your KARMA… It may be hard to swallow it.. but you have to accept it….

You haven’t contacted L… because you are deeply hurt by him.. But you know you finally will talk to him….. And have that talk to end all talks…..

You feel so sad right now.. All you wanted was true love.. To be loved.. and to love….. and yet you can’t have that… It’s such a simple request…. People pray for fame and fortune.. and all you’re praying for is love and happiness.. And yet God hasn’t given that to you.. Of course you realize that you have to be at that point in your life to be worthy and ready to receive love….. but the sad thing is that you thought you were already on your way there…. and now.. you don’t know if you’re on the right path…..It’s not too late to change directions.. People make mistakes…..

You may realize a lot of truths… about existence and about life….but at the end of the day.. You’re only really just human……

posted at futureme.org

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