A Blog A Day

It\’s a blog where I write about the extraordinary and the ordinary things going on in my life.

The Fight

I had an argument with my sister the other day. I never expected that she’d hit me below the belt but she did. I never thought she was capable of hitting below the belt. I told her about her anger and her rage issues. And she hit me back by telling me something that I did, that I wasn’t even aware of. She brought up the past. It was unfair because I never expected it.

The ego when it is hurt will try to protect itself at all cost. Her ego which I have hurt, tried to defend itself. The ego is always on the defensive. It will protect itself at all cost. And when I had hit a nerve, although my intention was to address her rage issues so she would be more aware, she hit back at me by putting me down. And since my ego wasn’t on the defensive, she hit me where I was vulnerable. She hit a weak spot. And I was knocked out.

My sister tried to hit me where I was weakest. Because she knows that my ego was unprepared, she hit back. For the entire day Monday, I just lay in bed paralyzed by sadness and depression. What she did made me question my faith, if it mattered at all, when all that my sister ever sees is what I used to be.

My sister can’t deny that I have changed ever since I turned to Buddhism. But then, people are always averse to change.  Change can sometimes be difficult for other people to accept.

In order for her to cope, she tries to keep a record of my wrongs. She is living in the past. And she can’t see me for the person that I’ve become. All she sees is the person that I was.

So as I lay in bed thinking about what she said, I began to question everything. I began to question my path. And I began to ask questions like, ” Am I on the right path?”; ” Is this form of Buddhism really for me?”; ” Should I give up something that  makes me happy so that it would please my family?”

The form of Buddhism that I have followed is not that well known. And people claim that it is not true Buddhism but through my own experience, I have verified that it is true Buddhism. That it does allow an ordinary person like me to achieve enlightenment.

But my sister calls it a bastardization of Buddhism. And she based this assumption not because she is a follower of Buddhism, but because she read about Buddhism. And she doesn’t even understand what she is saying.

I know that there are other vehicles other than the vehicle I am using to gain enlightenment. But this is the vehicle that I attracted into my life. And although the path is hard, I have followed this path because it has allowed me to be a wise person. I used to be an ordinary person who was unaware and ignorant. Now, I have awakened to the truth. And this vehicle has allowed me to become happy.

I have to ponder on the questions that have arisen. I know that at the end of all of this sadness is wisdom. And so I will continue to go on this path. And maybe there would be answers as to whether I followed the right path for me.

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