A Blog A Day

It\’s a blog where I write about the extraordinary and the ordinary things going on in my life.

To Be Defined

When my EX called me and declared to me that he wants to try again, it threw me off course. I thought I was on the right track with Richard. I’m slowly trying to set aside my doubts about him. I was going to take a chance on our special friendship. I never expected that on Christmas Day, I’d be talking to my EX.

My EX told me the most wonderful thing. He told me that he was waiting for me all these years. He was waiting for me to grow up. I met him ten years ago when I was much too young. And we had the kind of relationship that we deserved– unhappy and painful. But since then we’ve become different people. And I realize that I still love him.

All these years he was just waiting for the right time. And all these years, he had continued to love me.

This really turned my world upside-down. And now, I’m thinking about letting go of Richard .

Richard represents new love. But I don’t know Richard. And I’m risking so much if I choose him. I don’t know if what we’ll have is going to turn out well. And I don’t know if he can give me what I want.

My EX wants marriage and companionship. And I realize that I’m ready for that. And all I ever wanted to hear from him is to hear him say that he wants me back and that he wants to give us another chance.

I want to escape with my EX. I want us to go to a place far away where we can leave everything behind. We’ll leave behind my family. We’ll leave the country. And we’ll find a nice place where we can grow old together.

I love him so much. But it is also very painful for me to say goodbye to Richard. I have loved Richard. In the short time that I’ve known him. I have come to love him. But Richard probably knows nothing of love. He is much too young. And he may not give me what I really want which is companionship and true love.

My EX is just waiting for me to go back to him. And Richard is just this new guy that I’ve met. Although I can’t ignore that when I’m with Richard, I am a more loving and more caring person. When I’m with my EX, I’m just me.

Richard is a good mirror to the person who I can become. But  I don’t know if what we have will last long. And I have a lasting relationship with my EX. Me and my EX may not be friends and we may not get along but we love each other. And we’ve endured.

It’s so funny how things turn out. I never would have in a million years expected that I’d choose to go back to my EX. I thought I have moved on. But I haven’t. I still love him.

I recently revealed to my friend that I love my EX very much. And to that she asked, ” And what about Richard? What is he to you?”

Ever since my friend asked me that question, I’ve been thinking about the answer. Is Richard a friend. Is Richard more than a friend. Is Richard the man I really love? Now, I don’t know anymore. I used to be sure that my heart chose him. But now, I’m not too sure.

I don’t know yet why he came into my life. I have no idea why he makes me feel the way I feel. But I can’t deny the fact that I still love my EX.

Should I move forward? Or should I go back? I’m vacillating between the two choices. Choose the one you love or choose the one who loves you. That is a tough choice indeed.


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