A Blog A Day

It\’s a blog where I write about the extraordinary and the ordinary things going on in my life.

Hit Or Miss

I never really thought that I’d be missing Richard. Two months ago, I hated his guts. I swore to myself that I would never forgive him. And today, I really do miss him. I miss his non-sequiturs. I miss his laugh. And I miss his simple yet funny insights. He really did have a sense of humor.

I thought that I could live without him. I mean, it is possible to live without him. I’ve only known him for a year. But the question is not on whether I could live without him but whether I should live without him.

He adds a new dimension to my life. And he keeps me simple and grounded. He’s a good influence in my life. And I know I was a good influence on his. I know that because whenever I’m with him, I’m more patient and more caring. He brings out the goodness in me. He brings out my simple side. He brings out my goofy side. He brings out my good side.

But the thing is, Richard and I were never really just friends. We were something other than friends. Or rather we were friends but not friends. There was really an attraction there. And also, an unstated romance. I guess my fault was not being patient with him. Or in not being patient with the relationship. We had our hits and misses. When he was ready for something more, it was I who was not ready. And then he stopped. And when I was ready, he wasn’t ready. We never really got the timing right.

I still need time to reflect on what should be done. I still need to reflect on what he means to me. I don’t know what to do with him actually. I also don’t want to go back to what we had. Yes, we had a wonderful friendship, but it was a confusing friendship as well. And although I care for him so much, I don’t want to be in that state of confusion and uncertainty. So, for the time being, I’m not talking to him. But today, I miss him. And who knows one of these days, I might miss him enough to call him. And maybe we’ll forget that we had a misunderstanding. And who knows? Maybe I’ll finally know what he means to me.

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