A Blog A Day

It\’s a blog where I write about the extraordinary and the ordinary things going on in my life.

Former Drama Queen

There’s a cross at the head of my sister’s bed. And I admit, I’m a bit put off by that because I understand what the cross signifies. The cross signifies suffering. And so many people have embraced suffering. I used to embrace suffering. But now, I embrace happiness.

People think that one’s normal state is that of unhappiness. But I know how untrue that is. Happiness is the normal state of being.

I laugh at myself now. I don’t believe in my own drama anymore. I used to listen to the voices in my head telling me that I’m no good, that I’m ugly and that I don’t deserve to be happy. Now, I know that these are just lies. I always thought that I was right in my thinking. But now I know better.

My ex-boyfriend has started working in my office. I can laugh at him. And I can laugh at myself now. I used to cry about it. I really have grown up. I’m not the drama queen that I used to be. I’m no longer the victim.

My ex obviously wants me back. He asked for my number again. It’s his nth time of winning me over. He knows that I’m still single and very much available. One of these days, I just want to be able to say him face to face that I have a boyfriend. And that leaving him was the best decision that I made in my life.

Of course, I still feel sad from time to time. I did love him. And in a way, I still do. But I stayed in that relationship because I thought I didn’t deserve better. I thought that it was normal to be unhappy and to suffer in a relationship. How wrong I was.

I stayed for years, hoping that things would get better. Just like my sister who keeps a cross in her room, I embraced my suffering. But embracing suffering only leads to misery and unhappiness. Life is precious and yet, we waste our time being unhappy.

I’m no longer the drama queen. There’s still a voice in my head telling me that I don’t deserve to be happy. But as much as possible, I ignore that voice in my head. In Don Miguel Ruiz’s book, he calls that voice, the voice of knowledge. It’s the voice of the ego. The voice of our untrue self. And he did mention that once you don’t believe in the lies anymore, they won’t have power over you. I believe that now.

Being happy is just as easy as following your true self. And following your heart. It really does sound easy. Because it really is. We humans really do complicate our own lives. Life is just meant to be simple.


1 Comment»

  ana wrote @

He doesn’t deserve you……… you deserve better things and a man.

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